Sometimes booths aren’t the best ideas at a restaurant. If she wants to call herself chunky, or curvy, or voluptuous, let her. And if you’re going to compliment her, don’t do it in a backhanded way. All girls are different, all girls want slightly different things. Amber Sarah is a twenty-something body positive, budding feminist blogger hailing from Massachusetts.There are probably things you haven’t thought about that she might be embarrassed about. There’s never going to be a one-size-fits-all list, especially when talking about such a large group of people! ) But overall it just comes down to being sensitive, perceptive, and attentive. Body image and fat activism are her lifeblood, and when she’s not slogging her way through school, she’s tackling tough questions about fat acceptance and myths about obesity at her blog, Adipose Activist.
I have experienced sexual assault and trauma in my life.
A lot of fat women have -- the ACE scores study suggest that at least some cases of obesity are biologically related to childhood trauma -- but I don't need you to psychoanalyze me, to explain to me why I'm fat, or to try and "fix" me somehow. I got over guys who wanted to sleep with me but weren't willing to be seen in public with me a long time ago.
I’ve seen so many opening lines, especially on dating sites, along the lines of Here’s the thing. You probably think that it’ll make fat girls more likely to contact you first, but honestly it’s hurting your cause more than anything. *(Note, saying things like ‘real women have curves’, ‘only dogs like bones’, ‘skinny girls are gross’ are horrible things to say. We’re real people with real personalities and feelings. Again, can’t speak for all fat girls, but lots of us have had a lot of bad experiences when it comes to dating.
It makes you sound like all you care about is our bodies, that’s the most important part to you. So during a first conversation, again, you don’t have to qualify why you’re talking to her. You are more than welcome to have your preferences, but putting down other body types or other people’s preferences is NOT okay. Men who’ll talk the good talk but won’t be seen with us in public, men who’ll have sex with us but make fun of fat girls to their friends, men who think we’re ‘desperate’ and ‘easy’ and just a quick lay. If you don’t think there are guys out there who like fat girls, you are so wrong.
Check your own issues with fatness before telling me to check mine.
I don't know what the motivation is for guys who try to get me on their shoulders at concerts or attempt to lift me gently into bed.
This is loosely based on my own experiences as well as the experiences and suggestions of many girls I’ve talked to. Look, as much as I’m a body positivity advocate, as much as I call myself fat, as much as I realize that attraction is important and some people are attracted to fat bodies (which is totally cool! As fat girls, we spend a lot of our lives being treated differently–and it’s usually not in a good way. We’re just looking for you to get it and not do more of the same!
) weight is just something you shouldn’t mention to anyone in a first conversation, fat or thin. It makes us feel like you’re talking to us JUST for our body. You don’t need to have the username ‘bbwlover2012′, you don’t need to talk in your profile about how you’re looking for a fat girl, or how you define yourself as a chubby chaser*. As much as it may seem counterintuitive since I’m writing a whole post on how to date a fat girl, but a lot of this can be boiled down to this simple statement: date a fat girl the same way you’d date any other girl.
This comes from guys who don't necessarily have a problem with my weight -- they just have a problem with fat people. " Or worse, "Oh you're so (beautiful, smart, sexy, whatever) for a fat girl…" all I hear is how much you hate fatness. "You're not the kind of lazy, stupid, disgusting, [insert sizeist insult here] slob who I expect fat people to be," is not a compliment.
Dudes tend to assume that I haven't dated a lot in my life -- or the opposite, that I'm always up for casual sex because I'm desperate for attention.
I’ve thankfully been in a relationship for over two years now – I say thankfully, because it’s tough out there (well, that and I’m very much in love with my boyfriend!