If literally the only reason you are interested in me is because I'm fat, you might want to take a step back and get to know a bit about me first.
I don't mind if you tend to date fat girls, or really even if you get some specific pleasure from being with a fat woman -- but I don't need that to be the first thing you tell me about yourself. " It's announced as if it's supposed to reassure me that they aren't going to take one look at me naked and run, I think? Or maybe it's meant to suggest some kink; like to let me know that he wants to feed me cakes and watch me weigh myself? If you care more about my weight than I do, we're going to have a problem. When you tell me I'm not, what you are really saying is that despite my body size, I'm not all those horrible things you tend to associate with fatness.
I’ve thankfully been in a relationship for over two years now – I say thankfully, because it’s tough out there (well, that and I’m very much in love with my boyfriend!
) The more I talk to my friends, the more I realize that men have no idea how to talk to fat girls.
Check your own issues with fatness before telling me to check mine.
I don't know what the motivation is for guys who try to get me on their shoulders at concerts or attempt to lift me gently into bed.
A lot of times when a fat girl is out with a guy in public, people assume that they’re ‘just friends.’ There’s such a stigma out there that fat girls never get the guy. Understand that us ladies live in a culture where every magazine, every commercial, every ad is telling us that our bodies are wrong. Living in a fat bodies shapes many experiences for a person, and it’s important to understand and be sensitive to it.
Take her out to dinner, to the movies, walk around town. We are not represented in media except as comic relief or the ‘before’ picture in a diet ad. Chances are, there will be days when someone says something vicious and it’s hard for her to shake it off. Different girls are at different stages of comfort and acceptance of their bodies (and frankly, that goes for all girls of all shapes and sizes!I mentioned that most of us have had bad experiences, being the ‘secret’ lover, not ever getting to meet a guy’s friends, and it’s really quite painfully true. There are lots of folks out there who hate fat people. But the truth is, fat is one of those defining features that can’t really be ignored.The fact that I have to add this piece of advice kind of makes me sad, but I feel it’s important. The vitriol some people have for others based purely on body size can be quite frightening. It’s not who a person is, but you can’t ignore it either.I’ve seen so many opening lines, especially on dating sites, along the lines of Here’s the thing. You probably think that it’ll make fat girls more likely to contact you first, but honestly it’s hurting your cause more than anything. *(Note, saying things like ‘real women have curves’, ‘only dogs like bones’, ‘skinny girls are gross’ are horrible things to say. We’re real people with real personalities and feelings. Again, can’t speak for all fat girls, but lots of us have had a lot of bad experiences when it comes to dating.It makes you sound like all you care about is our bodies, that’s the most important part to you. So during a first conversation, again, you don’t have to qualify why you’re talking to her. You are more than welcome to have your preferences, but putting down other body types or other people’s preferences is NOT okay. Men who’ll talk the good talk but won’t be seen with us in public, men who’ll have sex with us but make fun of fat girls to their friends, men who think we’re ‘desperate’ and ‘easy’ and just a quick lay. If you don’t think there are guys out there who like fat girls, you are so wrong.It’s important to communicate these things and make her feel that she has a safe space to express these feelings. She’s also co-mod of a submissions-based body image blog called Stop Hating Your Body, which seeks to examine and combat media influences that put such large stress on what our bodies look like.