In fact, it’s somewhat masochistic to be drawn to men who are blasé about spending time with you.
Do you have a habit of dating the same men (or women) over and over again?
Can’t figure out why you keep dating Mr or Miss Wrong?
In my case, my attraction to aloof men stems from my experience as a victim of domestic abuse.
My ex-partner would get edgy if I went out without him or broke my usual routine, question me relentlessly about my whereabouts and company, snoop through my mobile and instant messaging conversations to see what I’d been up to, and be furious if I spent time with platonic male friends.
The destructive personality trait that I’ve been drawn to in the past is aloofness.
Surprisingly enough, aloofness is not particularly conducive to healthy, loving relationships.
For me to feel special but not smothered in a relationship, I need someone who enjoys and wants to spend time with me as much as I do them, but balances that with their own life, interests, and doesn’t crack the shits when I want to do my own thing. For example, if you have a habit of dating needy men, look to your past and try to understand what spurs your desire to create relationships where you take on a motherly role rather than that of an equal partner. Scrooge, is it because you’ve had an experience in the past that convinced you that you aren’t worthwhile enough to be treated well?
Once you know why your dating pattern exists, it’s time to work on breaking it.
Despite blogging openly about my relationship experiences, I’m a naturally shy personality and I get irritated and uncomfortable when people try to probe into my private life unnecessarily.
In the case of potential partners, the less they badgered me about prior relationships and how I spent my time, the more I liked them.
Recognise the relationships in your life that are reinforcing the negative pattern and either consciously amend or relinquish them.